For years I couldn't fully trust in God's Word. Instead, I chose to trust my own best thinking. I'm a good hearted guy, intelligent, and I try hard. I just want to know and love God, and I couldn't understand why my life and my relationships continued to be chaotic and dysfunctional, despite my best efforts, best understanding, and good intentions. Then I realized something...I was trying to make God's Word conform to my understanding. The parts of the Bible that didn't line up were my reasons for leaving. But deep in my heart I longed for God, for Jesus, and for His promises to be true. It hurt terribly that in my mind I couldn't believe. Yet, the desire for God...it's intense and had been with me since I was a young child. I spent my whole life looking for God, seeking Truth, purpose, and meaning. You see, I grew up in a chaotic home and learned that I could t trust anyone. I had to figure things out for myself and trust my own intuition. It kept me safe for a time, so it just became who I was. I was the highest authority for truth in my life, and because of my distrust and pride and arrogance, I never got the baptism of the Holy Spirit. I would repent and come back to God often, but because I wouldn't trust in God's Word I was left cold and dry and with a miserable life. That all changed when I realized that I was 50 years old (still am!) and I was homeless and addicted to drugs, despite all my efforts and best thinking. It hit me like a ton of bricks...my best thinking held no ground with God. What I had to do is make His Word the golden rule for what Truth is, and it was my job to confirm my thinking to match His Word. When I realized this, I immediately repented and ask Jesus to be my Savior. I vowed to obey Him in all things and to study His Word to learn the Truth and get guidance. At the end of the prayer and amazing thing happened. I heard a choir singing "Ahhhhhh" in celebration, like a heavenly celebration. I don't mean that I imagined it. I HEARD it with my ears. It lasted about 3 seconds. I then felt a sense of love and assurance, warmth and safety I never knew before. My life is for Jesus now. Clean and sober I am here to love and serve God and neighbor and proclaim His gospel to all. Please join me in learning and memorizing God's Word. Thank you, Jesus...so loving, merciful, and wise, You truly are an awesome God!